


The Source of Strength

by theimpossiblegeekygrrl



Category: The OA (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Denial of Feelings, Gen, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 03:44:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11843319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimpossiblegeekygrrl/pseuds/theimpossiblegeekygrrl
Summary: Why was the light so dazzling, when all he’d ever wanted was to remain hidden in the safety of the darkest parts of his mind?





	The Source of Strength

It was easier to watch Prairie downstairs, with a flight of stairs and layers of Earth between them.

In a moment of weakness that he could not make himself regret, Hap had brought her up, up, up … back into the sun and light. Her beauty, her kindness, even the fragrance of her body blinded him when he watched her stand in his doorway, basking in the morning’s soft rays. He’d had to shut his eyes against it, else he might go mad himself. In any case, he’d felt drunk when he closed the door, shutting off the source of her strength.

Still intoxicated, he’d made a deal with her, and with himself. Prairie would tend to his home, and to him, to keep her mind busy.

For her, it was the world, being able to explore a new space that she could slowly make her own.  
  
For him, it was everything, and she didn’t even realize it. To have a companion to talk with, eat with … be _present_ with. After so many years alone ( _Christ, how many now?_ ), Hap had come to think that he needed no one other than the ones that he occasionally glanced at downstairs. Before, he could be clinical, detached – ever the perfect scientist.

 _But now_ …

Now, he longed for the moments when Prairie was with him. Occasionally, when she was downstairs sleeping, he would catch the scent of her soap or find a strand of her long blonde hair on his pillow. The pang of ...  _lonesomeness_ would possess him, down to his gut, and he would have to run to the monitor, just to make sure she was still there.

_Why was the light so dazzling, when all he’d ever wanted was to remain hidden in the safety of the darkest parts of his mind?_

She didn’t know he watched her then, even though she always knew when he glanced her way when they were in the kitchen, in his study, or elsewhere. Hell, perhaps she did know, and was kind enough not to ask too many questions about what he did when she was gone.

Hap tried very hard not to determine how many hours he spent watching her on the screen. Even in the fluorescent dreariness of the old mine shaft, she glowed. If he could write such things, he would describe her as a star surrounded by mist in a grey sky, shining brightly, just for him. When those thoughts came he would change the screen to a more dreary sight, focusing on the gloom that fell before him.  


End file.
